Saturday, September 8, 2012

i fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)

I figured that my first post should be the actual poem that this blog gains its inspiration from. For those that don't know, the line comes from an ee cummings poem titled, "i carry your heart with me (i carry it in" my heart. Sorry, I had to finish the sentence even though that's technically not accurate. The poem has a lot of personal meaning to me, but it wasn't until today that the line "i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)" really stood out to me.

I fear no fate.

I have to ask myself if I live up to this lofty statement. There are days (more than I'd like to admit) that I do fear fate. Self doubt creeps in. What if things don't work out the way I thought they will? Will I ever be able to really provide for my family? At this point all I can hang on to is hope, because some days fate feels tangible, looming over me.

I fear no fate (for you are my fate,

I like the idea that "you" are my fate. That could apply to anyone. When I first read it, I immediately applied it to Natalie. She is my fate. The rest of my life (and more) will be bound to her. But today I've been toying with the idea of the plural "you" that has no real identity. "You" are my fate. Anyone, anything. The new couch that we bought from the Ortons. An unborn child. All of it--my fate. It ties in so well with the LDS belief that God provides a way for things to happen. Is it fate? Yes. No. It covers the whole spectrum of the agency to act on our own, and divine intervention and the constant need for blessings and guidance.

I guess that's why my blog is called "for you are my fate." Part of it is the resignation (not in defeat but acceptance) to the fact that life happens, and whether we fear it or not, we can make the most of it. Maybe this blog will help me keep account of it. Maybe it'll be another one of my unfinished projects. We'll see.

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