The Menacing Walk of the Villain

Ever notice that when a good guy and bad guy are fighting, the bad guy only has to walk slowly, menacingly towards the good guys. I mean the good guy will be running, full sprint away from the bad guy, and the bad guy just walks slowly towards them. Somehow bad guys defy the laws of physics and end up in front of the good guy and ambushes them. How do they do that? Do they just burst into a full sprint when the camera is off them?

9/11/01

Michael walked into the Seminary room late. The lesson had just begun, and we all kind of looked up wearily when he said, "A plane crashed into the World Trade Center. We were watching it on TV, that's why we're late."

When I heard that I thought he was talking about a small personal plane--not a big deal. When I got home at around 730, my dad called for me to come over to the TV in the family room. On the screen I saw huge plumes of smoke coming from one of the towers. We stared, fixed on the image of smoke pouring from the tallest building in New York. Minutes later, another plane slammed into the building--live on international TV. A stunned reporter at a loss for words filled the airwaves with silence. Our horror grew as the first one building, then another slowly peeled downward, tumbling tons of concrete a hundred stories down to the ground below. On another channel a fire raged in the ruins of a section of the Pentagon.

I was in 9th grade. It was one of those defining moments in history were everyone remembers where they were when it happened. How our world has changed since then. It used to be easy to travel. Now it's a pain.  We still live in the shadow of what happened, even 11 years after the event. Hard to imagine what our world would have been like without it.

The Pool

Eight days since the pool closed and the water is already starting to turn green. Last time it took management until November before they cleaned and drained it. The pool was a mass of green water, algae climbing up the concrete edges. For some reason it was oddly satisfying to see how dirty it got before they cleaned up. I wonder how green this pool will get before it's drained.

Equivalent Exchange

"Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To attain, something of equal value must be lost."

So that's the mantra of Fullmetal Alchemist--an anime I've been watching lately. Kind of a true statement. It doesn't matter what you want, you have to give something up for it. Everything in this world has a price tag, even if it's something as simple as that ever present, ever elusive commodity: time. Even forming relationships with other people requires a sacrifice of time.

On another note, I just love starting new anime adventures. There is something exciting about starting a new anime.

Total geek moment, sorry. Haha.

One Year

Today marks the one year anniversary of our move to Boston. After nearly dying in one of the city's infamous rotaries (grrrrrrrr), driving past our apartment complex and having to circle around, we pulled into Overlook Ridge--our new home for the next year. After unloading all of the stuff that was in the car (I'm still amazed that all of that fit in our car. I mean look at it!) we drove to Target, not knowing it would be one of a few scarring moments of driving in Boston. I think I'm finally used to it. Scarring things tend to happen to me on my first day in new places. Here I tried to make a left turn at an intersection and while I was patiently waiting, some lady in a BMW decided that she was going to pass me on the left. THE LEFT on a one lane road! I'm still not over it, but I've seen it happen a lot here. Stupid drivers.

When I first got to Rexburg, oh so many years ago, I sat outside of my apartment feeling sorry for myself. I was alone in Rexburg. All of my friends were back in Canada. As I thought about how I was marooned in some kind of forsaken wilderness, a tumble weed rolled past my apartment, bumping along every crack in the asphalt and brushing along the bushes by Days Inn. God, I thought, had a wicked sense of humor. At that point in my life I thought that tumbleweeds and cowboys were stereotypes, or costumes that people wore on Halloween or in old episodes of Looney Toons. Shows what I knew.

In the year since moving to Boston I've been through a lot of perspective changes. There are days where I don't recognize myself. There are days where there is a great disparity between the person I am now, and the person I was back when I first met Nat--all fire and passion. I think I've mellowed out after life has finally started. At times it's been a trying year, but I think it would have been harder if I didn't have Natalie there for me. She keeps me going, gives me a sense of emotional stability that I've never known in my life. Things that would have really discouraged me before, don't really faze me anymore.


What will next year bring? I'm hoping a renewed sense of purpose. Children?

Ha. Maybe not quite yet.

i fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)

I figured that my first post should be the actual poem that this blog gains its inspiration from. For those that don't know, the line comes from an ee cummings poem titled, "i carry your heart with me (i carry it in" my heart. Sorry, I had to finish the sentence even though that's technically not accurate. The poem has a lot of personal meaning to me, but it wasn't until today that the line "i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)" really stood out to me.

I fear no fate.

I have to ask myself if I live up to this lofty statement. There are days (more than I'd like to admit) that I do fear fate. Self doubt creeps in. What if things don't work out the way I thought they will? Will I ever be able to really provide for my family? At this point all I can hang on to is hope, because some days fate feels tangible, looming over me.

I fear no fate (for you are my fate,

I like the idea that "you" are my fate. That could apply to anyone. When I first read it, I immediately applied it to Natalie. She is my fate. The rest of my life (and more) will be bound to her. But today I've been toying with the idea of the plural "you" that has no real identity. "You" are my fate. Anyone, anything. The new couch that we bought from the Ortons. An unborn child. All of it--my fate. It ties in so well with the LDS belief that God provides a way for things to happen. Is it fate? Yes. No. It covers the whole spectrum of the agency to act on our own, and divine intervention and the constant need for blessings and guidance.

I guess that's why my blog is called "for you are my fate." Part of it is the resignation (not in defeat but acceptance) to the fact that life happens, and whether we fear it or not, we can make the most of it. Maybe this blog will help me keep account of it. Maybe it'll be another one of my unfinished projects. We'll see.

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)